Not A Father’s Day Gift Guide

With all of the great guides out there, I figured why bore you with another one?  So this post is about my loving father, Victor Sanchez and what he means to me and just overall sharing some personal stuff. A little about him, he was 25 years old when he and mom had me, 25…I’m the 3rd child, that’s crazy. I’m 26 now and I couldn’t imagine having my third baby right now. 

Fast forward to 1996-1997ish, I’m in Kindergarten and my dad luckily had his lunch around the time I was off, so he picked me up daily from school. We’d do the same thing pretty much every day, Starbucks and Home Town Buffet at the Capital Square Mall on Mckee and Capital. (here’s a pic of me in Kindergarten) 

Side note: my nickname that only my dad calls me is, Pati [ pa-tee ]

I remember like it was yesterday, my dad asking me, “where do you want to go today” and my answer was always the same. I’m surprised he never overruled my decision and for that, I love him even more. 

If you haven’t read my other blog post about what Starbucks means to me you should, it’s good!

Never Judged

When I was 10-12 years old I went through a tomboy phase, I wore guy clothes, listened to hardcore rock/metal and not once did my dad judge me for it. I never felt that he was embarrassed by me and I love him for that. Around 14-15 years old I started partying, drinking, and going out so of course, this is when my dad started to ask more questions but still no judgment. He listened, talked, and understood me. I felt so lucky that he never once tried to change me into something else.

Milk

When I was 4, I was addicted to milk. I would wake up my parents in the middle of the night and ask them to pour me a glass. I drank so much of it that my dad would joke with me that he was going to buy me a cow and put it in my room. As a little girl, I thought he was serious. I would wonder and be afraid of what my friends would think if they ever came over and a giant cow was in my room. Every time we’d drive by any cows, he would say, “oh look pati, cows” lol. Until this day he still jokes about it sometimes. 

Getting Closer

As I got older, I started having more in-depth conversations with my dad while sometimes driving him to work from Los Banos to San Jose. He didn’t mind that I’d tag along because he worked from 3pm-midnight then we’d drive an hour and fifteen minutes home so he could be up by 5:45 AM to start his other job. So, me driving him was a nice little break from time to time. We’d talk the whole ride there and back or he would sleep if he was super tired.

Car Rides

These are some of my favorite moments with my dad. I’d play my music and not once did he ask me to change it. One day I had my Kings of Leon playlist on and my dad called it, “Tania’s Starbucks music” and I laughed. From then on, every time I’d play it, he would laugh and say that. One time on our drive back home super late, I had “Tonight” by Lykke Li blasting to keep me awake, by the next day, my dad was singing, “let me go let me go” in a high pitch voice and I busted out laughing, it was one of those moments you have had to be there to find funny or just listen to the song and imagine a grown man singing it. I also thought it was one of the cutest things ever. As I mentioned, we’d talk for hours about anything and everything. It was around this time in my life that I really felt I got to know my dad as a person, a man, a husband, a brother, and a friend. He’d tell me his fears, thoughts, ideas, stories, you name it. I’d share with him my fears and all of my dreams. These car rides were amazing and I miss them. Just having those moments together, laughing, joking, sometimes almost crying…I will remember forever. 

Going Blind

My dad has been diabetic for a very long time. I can’t remember the year but his doctor told him that he’s going blind because of this sickness. I remember driving him to his first eye appointment to get his eyes injected with this huge needle. I cried in my room later that day. I screamed, shouted, and was angry that this was happening to my amazing father, but he always smiled, was happy and didn’t let it get him down. Every Friday or every other Friday I’d drive him to his appointments in Modesto and we developed a new tradition just like when I was a little girl. Our new thing was getting sushi and coffee. 

Kidney Failure

One day I drove my dad to a doctors appointment because he wasn’t feeling well and his legs were so swollen. He couldn’t make it to the front door, he had to take a break and was panting. By the time we got in and the doctor saw him, she was so shocked! She told him his kidneys were failing and he needs to start dialysis right away. He goes to it now 3x a week. He won’t accept any of our (his kids) kidneys, so we wait for a donor, the doctor said it might be 5,10, or 15 years which sucks but we keep praying. Even with all of this, my dad is still very positive and a happy person. Sure some days he’s a little down with all of the pills he’s on and I never blame him, to me, he’s the strongest, courageous, toughest, amazing person I know. 

Little Birdie Fly Away

At one point in my life, I would cry and shout that I wanted to move out and live my own life, make mistakes, and find my way out in the real world. My dad would always tell me, that one day I will, but that I wasn’t ready yet. I hated that he’d say that to me but he was right. I did fly away once at 19 with Tyler to Costa Mesa, read about it here. My dad told me that I was just his little bird in his nest and he’s preparing me to fly and that one day I will, but I have to be patient. As an “adult” I felt patience was nonsense. I wanted to run before I can walk.

He’d say I was rushing into things and that wasn’t the way to do it. He constantly explained the whole I’m a little bird in his and my mom’s nest folding his hands together forming a little bowl like gesture and saying I’m in there and one day I will get out. I’d cry some more because at the time I didn’t get it. I just wanted to live on my own.

Gone Baby Gone.

Once I did get my little wings flapping I was gone. I don’t regret it, but man I miss my parents but since this is about my dad I will only talk about him. Curious about my mom? I wrote a Mother’s Day post about her, click here to read.

I see my dad now maybe once a week or every other week and it’s not enough. I remember living at home, waking up hearing him on the radio, going out for coffee, breakfast, and swimming. I remember our long talks about life and all of his goofy stories as a kid. I remember him telling me stories of me as a baby and how nobody understood a word I said until I was maybe 4-5  years old.

Love

I miss my dad so much and worry about him. The older I get the more of the “I want to take care of you” feeling grows. I love him and want to somehow pay him back for everything he has sacrificed for us, for me. Everything he has endured working 3 jobs, sleeping 3-4 hours a night just to give us the life he never had. My dad means the world to me and I try to show him that the most I can. Whether it’s a text, call, even a snapchat…yes my dad is on snap. lol.

So, I want to end on a positive note. Hug and love your dad extra this Father’s Day, you don’t know what he’s gone through and forgive him and move on from any negativity, you never know how long one has. Things are just not worth holding a grudge for. If your dad wants to have lunch, have fuc*ing lunch with him! Does he want to take you out for coffee? GO!!! He wants to talk on the phone for a bit, just make the time! You don’t want to live with the regret of brushing him off all the time. 

So what does my dad mean to me? EVERYTHING. He’s my superhero, my motivation, my strength. When I feel weak, tired, lazy, I think about him, still kicking ass even with everything he has against him. He still dreams, smiles, and always laughing, given, I am very funny so I make him laugh a lot but still. He doesn’t dwell in the things he doesn’t have but grateful for the things he does have. He reminds me to always keep going no matter what. My dad is just someone I admire and love so much, he’s the best dad a girl can have. 

Dad, I love you forever and ever!

Always your little girl (pati) 

As always thank you for reading, I appreciate you and your time. 

xx